Diet & Fitness Blog

Comment: Tuesday, April 22, 2008 4:40:00 PM -  Anonymous said...  

Other than not having a master's degree, I'm in a pretty good place -- spouse, kids, house.

But that's only because I didn't settle for some fool and hope for the best. Marry the wrong person and life becomes an unending horror. Seen it happen ... better not to get married than marry the wrong person.

Comment: Wednesday, April 23, 2008 3:19:00 AM -  Anonymous said...  

I feel your pain? I thought I'd be married, with 3 kids running around by now. At 33 (almost 34) I have no plans to have kids or find the husband. Career is great, but gave up social life to get it. I can't say that I'm unhappy though. I travel overseas just for me every year with 3 other single gals, buy whatever I want when I want it, and not have to worry about being responsible for the development of another human.
My mother use to ask about it, then I got 2 cats and told her that I gave her "grandcats". She thought it was great! She comes over to stay with them when I travel! My brothers and sisters gave her 11 grandkids, her life is complete without me having to add to it.

Comment: Wednesday, April 23, 2008 8:24:00 AM -  Just don't call me Dor... said...  

GRANDCATS!!! I love it! I'll have to tell my mom that my cat is her grandcat, and that's what she gets. :) Thank you!!

--dorian

Comment: Wednesday, April 23, 2008 8:52:00 AM -  robbie said...  

that grand cats thing is really funny... i think everyone runs into things that are disapointing like that, everyone has rough patches but if you keep positive and keep moving toward your goal you ll get there eventually. i know that's a cliche answer but it's true. i was stuggling and in a rut this time last year but everything turned around all of a sudden and now i have a decent job and am getting married when last year i was single and miserable and in debt up to my eyeballs with student loans. anyway things will work out good luck..

i wanted to say the thing with the cardboard cutouts was great, a great way to get a point accross, i make cardboard cutouts for a living and thought that was a really creative way to use them. that is really entertaining. if you want cutouts a great site to check out is Life Size Custom Cutouts.com

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 3:12:00 AM -  I should have been a vet!! said...  

Well you want to talk about off-schedule. Try 42 and no hubby or kids.

Also no one in mind at the moment.
I am doing great as a career woman, I own a home and currently renting it out. I go and buy whatever I want. I dont have any grandcats, but I do have granddogs,grandbird and grandgeina pigs.

Yes I should have been a vet! My mom though loves it when she calls. The bird says what?, what? the dog barks I LOVE YOU, and well the gienia pigs they just stare at you..........LOL

I get lonely alot, but right now working at the Nuclear Plant I have been working 36 nights straight. This is a twice a year thing. So I don't have time really for personal life.

Guess I'll settle for the money and animals (in which i love so much) Good luck too all.
The old woman
Belinda

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 4:42:00 AM -  Anonymous said...  

Hey madam "off schedule", you are not alone. me? Hmmmm, let me see, 53 yrs old, four children, a loving husband, three of the kids at college. Wow that sounds like a life made in heaven, WRONG. No carrier to talk about because I sacrifised that at the alter of marriage and baby making.Used to wrk in the air transport industry and had travelled to most parts of the world so when I got a man to marry, I thought, oh, I've done almost everything and will miss nothing. Oh how wrong I was! I miss travelling, I miss world shopping, I miss meeting different people in diverse continents, Oh how I miss it all!

My point?

You cant have it all.

I have recreated myself in my children but have lost myself for ever. (I guess that sounds confusing and crazy)

from: LOST me and LOST me

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 5:48:00 AM -  Anonymous said...  

Well, I decided to marry the nex tman that proposed. I was 41 when I met him and 43 when he proposed. Now that I have experienced "marriage"..it's like been there done that..overseas anyone ?? Still have the Hubby tho

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 7:11:00 AM -  Anonymous said...  

I just turned 41 on april 17th and I like where I am. At the age of 16 (1983) I thought about where I'd be around the year 2000. I'd be 33 and probably married with children. None of that. I wasn't even thinking about a career.
Now at 41, I'm single, have a 5 year old daughter, work as a computer system administrator, have a teachter's degree in high school economics (still studying in both areas) and I'm as happy as can be.
If a prince charming comes along in the future, that's ok too, but I'm settled.
To see that people all over the world have these things in common. I say that because you are Americans and I am from Suriname, South America, with exactly the same desires.

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 7:16:00 AM -  Anonymous said...  

while my life is good,it is nothing like I expected it would be.Divorced after 19 yrs first marriage, widowed after 19 yrs of a happy second marriage. husband gone 2 years, seems a lifetime.
happy with my job, great friends and a new companion to share things with.enjoy good health
Two sons are healthy, happily married and financially secure.

i thought i would be married to one man forever. Be close to children and grandchildren as I was to my parents. son that lives near me he and wife have two cats and a boat and a Harley...older son in military 18 yrs so he,wife and 3 children relocate often.

good life...just not what I anticated!

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 7:23:00 AM -  Anonymous said...  

I understand the behing schedule sentiment. I didn't go to college until age 25, and graduated at age 30. I finally met a wonderful man and got married at age 32. I'm now 37, and we still don't have children. I've found that it's okay to march to a little different drumbeat. Even if we're not at the place we imagined in life, we can always enjoy the moment.

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 8:50:00 AM -  Karin said...  

It's funny that you posted this. Right now I am going through a difficult time. While married (4 years) and educated (2 master's degrees) I am in debt up to the stratosphere, and I am working 3 part-time jobs! I've been searching for a career, but with no luck. I am going to a career counselor because I need to find more that I am qualified for. My husband is a carpenter at heart, but is now leaving that to find a more stable job so that we can pay bills. It's been hard, all I do now is wait tables, on of my jobs is teaching at a community college, but it is unfulfilling as most of my other time is spent waiting so that I can pay bills. It is frustrating, but I've started meditating and taking care of myself. I guess it will all fall into place sometime.....right?

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 8:57:00 AM -  Anonymous said...  

Well, I'm not "on schedule" like I had dreamed of. I didn't find the "right person" until I was 27; we married when I was 29. My dream was to be married to a wonderful man, have several children, be a stay at home mom, giving my all to husband and kids. Well, it turned out we couldn't have any children, he became ill, I was his wife and care taker for 6 years until his death two years ago. When he died, it wasn't because of the illness, it was an unexpected death. My life turned upside down. My husband, who was what I lived for, was gone. While I was out dealing with funeral and stuff, I received a call and was told I job was ending in a couple of weeks. We had been very active in church; my church split and disbanned, and my father, who had been a strong support for my husband and myself was diagnosed with a tumor and was told he would only have a 5% chance of surviving surgery due to the location of the tumor, or if no surgery, then would live only a couple of months. Most all friends that we had, seemed to no longer be in the picture.

So here I am, 2 years later - all alone and still trying to figure out "what am I supposed to do now?". On schedule - far from it.

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 9:41:00 AM -  Anonymous said...  

Went to college...got a degree..and started working. Married at 28 divorced by 31. Found a great guy...married and have a 3 yr old. Other than the divorce I feel like I did everything like I was 'supposed to'. I've dated, traveled, married.... I know there are people that would like to be in my shoes, but I still can't help but feel something is missing. Sitting here at 40 trying to keep everyone else happy so they can stay 'on schedule'. For now I'm going to trash the 'schedule' and go make daquiris!

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 9:42:00 AM -  Anonymous said...  

Hmmm on schedule, I was married at 21 had 2 children loving husband, great life and then 28 years later cancer struck and loving husband died. Now at 55 I am looking to date again, after 34 years of not dating!! This is not fun! Schedules only work on paper.

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 9:48:00 AM -  Anonymous said...  

On schedule life? Wow that would be like trying to run an airline. There's always something going on.....rain, lightning, snow, freezing rain and if the bad weather isn't where your standing it may be where your trying to go. Come on you can schedule your life, just don't get caught up in 10 year old fantasy. Reality and growing up teaches that life is not scripted and you have to be continuously flexible. I'm sure none of your mom's ever told you life was going to be easy, they just told you it was going to be what you made of it.

Happily married and employed mother of four (teenagers!)

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 9:59:00 AM -  atllaw191 said...  

Off-schedule? Probably late-bloomer (as my Mom would have said) but this late???? Frightening! 59 y.o. who just finished (really) college last year (a long-held goal). I married just out of high school and 1 year of "secretarial school" as determined by my Mom - Dad would not send me to college 'cause he said all I'd do was get married and stay home and was destined to go back to "small-town/read...dead" to work for a local Dr. office, so married military man and left, had two children in 20 months and struggled for the rest of my life, pretty much to make it on my own most of that time. Having been married by a certain time frame is not all bad. It negates the divorce in 10-13 years thingy which is devastating enough, not to mention explaining to parents that "it just didn't work out", and now you're raising two children on your own through college or whatever they decide to do. Having been single now for a long while, I've found that being on my own is not so bad. I have myself (my own best friend), and girlfriends who are within reach (either by phone or internet), have the DEGREE finally, and don't expect to ever quit working - because I like it! Focus on what makes you happy (and that isn't necessarily a man), and take care of yourself and your own finances so you can live and travel and do the things you'd always wanted to do. I'm not there yet (travel), but my two children/grandchildren are within a plane ride or car ride and I intend to spend my time with them enjoying my life and for better or worse, don't worry about the "scheduling" any longer!

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 10:04:00 AM -  Just don't call me Dor... said...  

To anonymous at 9:41 am: I'm all for trashing the "schedule" and making daiquiris! But you think we could make margaritas instead? :)

--dorian

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 10:38:00 AM -  Susan R. said...  

I think your feeling is universal. The media and society wants all of us to believe in the "perfect life". There is no such thing.

I am 50, have been married once and did not have children for medical reasons. It did work out for the best, as I have been divorced 11 years. I travel 75% of the time in my career and that would be difficult with children. I have a wonderful "man-friend" who has 2 beautiful grandchildren. I am the "grand-girlfriend" and also an Aunt to a lovely 3-year old boy. I cherish my independence even though it has been a struggle at times. I am proud that I have done well on my own and on my own terms.

I guess my point is that you have to make the best of your situation and when life throws curves as it usually does, try not to get too overwhelmed and work through the situation.

Just think how much wiser you are at 30 compared to 20. Do you really want to go back there? I know I wouldn't!!!

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 11:40:00 AM -  Anonymous said...  

Glad to know I am not the only one. Perfect timing been thinking about it for weeks.

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 11:48:00 AM -  Nikki said...  

As I was reading this blog I noticed that I was reading my own life's journey. Why do we have a schedule. I never thought about this nerve wrecking schedule until I turned 25 and the so called "clock" beagan ticking. All of the sudden my career goals were not as important as marrying and procreating. I am finally startign to get to the point in my life where the schedule doesnot matter anymore. I have goals and yes I try to attain them, but the time frame and the players involved....I just leave that up to God, he's my scheduler of life. I just show up and enjoy it! Thanks for this Dorian, it's good to know that you aren't the only one feeling this pressure!

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 12:00:00 PM -  Anonymous said...  

Dorian...Margaritas it is! Are we on schedule! lol!

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 3:53:00 PM -  Anonymous said...  

At the age of 66 I look back at my life and see that I was on schedule with a career, marriage and having children. But that wasn't the perfect life since the marriage didn't work out and a new career had to be planned. Then I dreamt of another schedule of raising children on my own, sending them out into the world and my finding a new mate. Well my sons are now married with families of their own. I am still "mateless", getting ready to retire, and I find I love every aspect of my independence. My life is full with family, grandchildren and friends. As far as I am concerned, shoot the schedule and enjoy your life as it is. Appreciate all you have and all you have become! There will never be another you!!!

Comment: Thursday, April 24, 2008 10:19:00 PM -  sexyjessie said...  

I have had this vision of a house running with 2 kids and a loving husband when I was 28. I had everything planned out, even planned to marry my ex.

After 5 years, Im still single and available. Sad to say, most of the guys I dated are jerks. I used to be "single" after all these years, rather not to be married.

I still get loads of comments of being not married, being an asian, especially from my mom and wedded friends. They said "Life couldn't be wonderful", but I disagreed.

After hearing much divorce stories, I rather be single for as long as I can.

Comment: Friday, April 25, 2008 12:26:00 AM -  Anonymous said...  

When my oldest daughter was very young, she was diagnosed with severe depression and adhd. At age ten she cried all night because she was a loser who would never be able to support her two children because she was failing at school. The first thing her counsellor taught her ( and us) was to remove deadlines. They create an artificial barrier that creates the probability of failure.

Today she is 22 and on the Dean's list and in the Honour society hopes to have her phd and a family and she is balancing life. No deadlines. There is only one inevitable deadline and none of us should be racing towards it.

Comment: Friday, April 25, 2008 9:54:00 AM -  RE said...  

It seems that we are on similar "off-schedules." My original plan was married by 26, kids by 28. I'm about two-months shy of 29, and super single.

But with my age, came my realization that life's plan is bigger than my timeline. Things will happen in their perfect time. And, right now, I'm perfectly single and still able to party while my MOM friends are pushing strollers.

Here's to throwing the "supposed to have happened by now" thoughts away, and celebrating life as it is now because I'll never get today back.

Comment: Friday, April 25, 2008 12:04:00 PM -  Anonymous said...  

To the mother who's daughter would cry at night . I have a son(with adhd) who at 20 has gotten a shared apartment a job that has been part time (32-50 hours) for nearly a year as well as going to college full time , paying his way so he doesn't have a HUGE
debt to clear up after he graduates. We had so many teachers who were naysayers, but one who believed , what a difference. I have about four years till I retire , from a full time job that I'd have not traded for the world. I have a man who loves me and is waiting for me to set the date. (I have the dress , it was such a great sale !) Nearly 30 years
ago I went overseas and got my masters , and it has been "unused" in my career,though not in my life. Schedules are not to be believed... as for the margarettia vs daqueri , I'll just sit and have a jackrabbit .

Comment: Friday, April 25, 2008 4:10:00 PM -  Anonymous said...  

Offschedule as ever, you all inspire me. I knew my life was ok even though it certainly wasn't what I planned but it's wonderful to have it confirmed many times over. I also refused to settle for less than I deserve and at 33 headed for 34 I feel very positive about life. The good things: love life, independence, studying again fuel my self-esteem and the not so great: no children or husband don't dampen my hope or my peace of mind. Again thank you all.

Comment: Saturday, April 26, 2008 2:32:00 PM -  Anonymous said...  

Wow!! So many of these stories made me cry, pounder my own choices, smile and laugh out loud. I am 46 yrs.old, single no children by choice, educated with a very forfilling career servicing others. I love life and enjoying every minute of it. This is nto to say that I don't have moments of challenges. I live in the MOMENT,I can't control anything else.

"Life's blows cannot break a person whose spirit is warmed at the fire of enthusiasm"
Norman Vincent Peale

Comment: Sunday, April 27, 2008 9:49:00 AM -  Anonymous said...  

Life is a strange but wonderful thing. I'm 37, am in a long termed relationship with a much older man, and no kids at all. However at 24 I decided I didn't want to have any kids; cats work just fine. AND I'm an only child but my mom has never given me the gears about settling down and having a family (bless her soul). And with my hectic schedule (I work retail) it's a good thing I don't have kids! Try some nights working up to 10:30pm and having to be back at work (sometimes) at 8:30am. So I think in our own special way we all have an off-scheduled life....if we didn't wouldn't it be boring???

Comment: Monday, May 05, 2008 5:52:00 AM -  Anonymous said...  

lol grand cats... funny, well, i live an off-scheduled life... its started off with goals then went to deadlines, some achieved but the ultimate one, a family is still missing... and rite now its sad becos the one i chose to spend the rest of my life with mite not live much longer, we had planned to get married late next yr, but now not so sure if i can go thru it...


so my advice to all of you that have opportunities out there to have that dream - make it come true... don't ever let the devil cheat you of your true happiness... and lets face it, when you face death in the face, no amount of money, degree, status in society is going to fulfill you... god bless you all who reads this...

Comment: Tuesday, June 03, 2008 6:34:00 AM -  Anonymous said...  

Got the career. Got the family. Am now trying to beat my daughter to getting my Ph.D. complete before her. Although I started working on it when she was 4 years old. Talk abt off-schedule!!!

Comment: Tuesday, June 03, 2008 12:21:00 PM -  The_invisible said...  

Ok, you've just spoke with our tongues..that's exactly what me and my friends feel!
But u know ...I believe that maybe we didn't accomplish our dreams but also what we reached wasn't in our dreams as well :D