Best Dieting Joke?
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Glenn Mueller
eDiets Senior Writer/Editor
You may be trying to lose weight, but that's no reason to lose your sense of humor. After all, there have been jokes about healthy eating and fitness ever since people started dieting and joining gyms.
Some of these jokes have even become slightly annoying. If one more person tells me about the seafood diet (when they see food, they eat it), I may have to hammer a rusty rail spike into my eye. And yes, I have heard that following a balanced diet means holding a cookie in each hand. Many people have already taken the time to point out to me that the word "stressed" is just "desserts" spelled backwards, so save your breath.
But the fact is that dieting and fitness is now a major part of our culture, so why shouldn't it be part of our humor? Whether it is watching Mr. Creosote eat one more wafer thin mint before exploding in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life or listening to Dennis Leary ponder about the merits of walking up invisible stairs, healthy living has become part of the act.
So what's your favorite joke about dieting? Share with us by posting a comment here.
Comment: Tuesday, April 08, 2008 5:32:00 AM - 
said...
THIS is not TECHNICALLY a joke but I LOVE this "comeback" when a person insults a person by using the word "fat". I have taught my own children to say this..." I may be, what in your opinion is fat, but you are ugly, and I CAN DO something about it-YOU seem to be unable to!" It's never a good option to be "mean" back but, we ALL know, there are just a few people in this world who would not understand a "nice" response!
Comment: Tuesday, April 08, 2008 7:19:00 AM - said...
"Do you watch what you eat?
"Yes, I watch what I eat. I watch it go into my mouth every time I eat."
Comment: Tuesday, April 08, 2008 8:56:00 AM - said...
i'm on a seafood diet. i see food and i eat it.
Comment: Tuesday, April 08, 2008 9:59:00 AM - 
Sharron said...
there are four very simple steps to the weight problem issue...
1)walk over to your scale
2)open the closest window
3)pick up the scale
4)throw it out the window
NO more weight problem!
Comment: Tuesday, April 08, 2008 10:02:00 AM - said...
I'm gaining weight just looking at that chocolate brownie(as my mouth fills with saliva)!
Comment: Tuesday, April 08, 2008 10:05:00 AM - said...
It doesn't count if:
No one sees you.
It's in the middle of the night.
You felt very hungry.
You worked out really well before hand.
I'm on vacation.
I lost a pound.
Comment: Tuesday, April 08, 2008 11:51:00 AM - said...
This is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with the stress that builds during the day.
BREAKFAST
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk
LUNCH
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken
1 cup spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey's kiss
AFTERNOON TEA
The rest of the Hershey Kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen-Dazs ice cream with chocolate chips DINNER
4 glasses of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size supreme pizza
3 Snickers Bars
LATE NIGHT SNACK
1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer).
Remember: Stressed spelled backward is desserts. Send this to four women and you will lose two pounds. Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew) and you will lose 10 pounds. If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately.That's why I had to pass this on...I didn't want to risk it!
Comment: Tuesday, April 08, 2008 11:57:00 AM - said...
I'm allergic to cake... it makes my butt swell! LOL
Comment: Tuesday, April 08, 2008 2:21:00 PM - said...
In reaching for donut, cake or anything else that is not healthy . . . "might as well paste these right to my hips."
Comment: Wednesday, April 09, 2008 7:26:00 PM - geralyn said...
Rick was in trouble.
He'd forgotten his wife's birthday.
She really lit into him. "IF I don't see something in that driveway tomorrow morning that goes from zero to 200 in 10 seconds, then you should just NOT BOTHER coming home!"
Chastised, Rick went to bed. He got up very early the next morning and left for work.
When his wife got up later that morning, she saw a gift box with a bow in the driveway. It was certainly too small to be a car. She brought it in the house to unwrap it and found ... a bathroom scale.
Rick hasn't been seen since that day.
Comment: Wednesday, April 09, 2008 7:27:00 PM - geralyn said...
I heard it said by some doctor that you know you're drinking enough water when you can read through your urine.
The hard part is keeping the newspaper down in the bottom of the bowl.
Comment: Wednesday, April 09, 2008 7:29:00 PM - geralyn said...
One good dieting trick I picked up a while back, is to eat five or six small meals in a day. And if you get hungry besides that, then just "advance" yourself something from the coming meal. Like if you'd planned on a piece of broiled fish, some veggies and a salad for dinner, you can have that salad around 5:00 that evening instead of having it that night.
When I first tried this, I got about 20 meals ahead of myself ... I was eating myself all the way into next month.
Comment: Wednesday, April 09, 2008 10:17:00 PM - said...
When you go to the grocery store remember the pasta diet...
go pasta the bakery
walk pasta the candy/cookie isle
pasta the beer
and white bread
then pasta the candy counter at the check out counter
then pasta the exit door
you will feel full of self accomplishment.
Comment: Monday, April 14, 2008 8:54:00 AM - said...
Bumper sticker: Chocolate makes my cloths shrink.
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