By Shawn McKeeStaff Writer
When it comes to the mysterious heart-shaped holiday known as Valentine's Day, there are two kinds of people in this world: those that love it (read: women in relationships) and those that hate it (read: everyone else). I associate with the latter.
It's not because I'm single this V-Day and will spend it alone in my basement listening to Michael Bolton ballads -- crying quietly to myself -- and watching a Julia Roberts marathon with my cat while eating enough chocolate to choke Count Chocula (like last year).
No, being single on this unhappiest of holidays is actually a blessing in disguise for those of us forced by corporate America to shell out big bucks to prove to our "special lady" just how extra-special she is.
Why? Well, let me explain what this chocolate-covered holiday means to a man in a relationship -- from real-life, prior experience. Prepare to be wooed.
First of all, financially I'm still reeling from the holiday spend-a-thon that is Christma-Hannu-Kwanza, and to be honest, all of my ideas for thoughtful, breathtaking gifts have already been used. I'm a little depressed because football season has just ended and I don't even realize it's cheesy card day until it's too late. (When I see the receptionist at work get flowers from her new boyfriend, I realize what day it is -- and panic ensues...)
I leave work early to get you a card with some sappy sentiment, like a picture of a kitten pawing a paper heart that reads: "You're my Puuurrrr-fect Valentine!" (shudder)
Then I grab some chocolate in hopes that you'll be too busy eating chocolate-covered cherries to yell at me because I'm taking you to Bennigan's instead of having reservations at that French place you love -- that I can't pronounce.
The roses I bring are the bottom of the barrel. Literally. They were the last bunch. I come to pick you up and have already spent over $100 on wilted flowers, overpriced chocolate, a teddy bear that says, "I wuv you," plus, the obligatory Hallmark "I (heart) you" card.
You pretend to be surprised by exceptionally generic gifts -- and I feel your disappointment. Unless, of course, we're still in high school, then red roses, candy and teddy bears are great gifts! You can also wear my letterman jacket if it gets cold!
Bennigan's, here we come...
It's a two-hour wait when we get there; we sit uncomfortably and look at the floor. According to most industry insiders, this is one of the two busiest days of the year for restaurants. So we wait. Three hours and a maxed-out Visa later, we arrive back home.
You had one too many glasses of wine at dinner and now, well, you've passed out face down on the bed. I try to wake you for a little holiday lovin', but it's too late for that. I take your shoes off and think to myself, "I can still catch the late edition of SportsCenter -- score!"
Thank St. Valentine this day's over.
That's what it's like for both parties involved -- second-rate seduction that leaves everyone disappointed. Ask any man and he'll tell you, Valentine's Day is a scam.
For example, please explain Cupid to me. Who thinks giving an infant a bow and arrow is a good idea? Archery is fun, yes, but I would think it should be reserved for the potty-trained. And how exactly is it representative of romance? I can't think of anything more impractical than a baby in a dirty diaper with a primitive weapon. What kind of example does this give the youth of America? It's a wonder no one's been hurt yet.
But love can be dangerous, so maybe that's the connection. More dangerous than a baby with a bow? I don't know, but I'd rather leave that question to be pondered hypothetically by future scholars.
I'm not slamming love -- it's great when it's good. I am, however, against the way it's been bastardized by corporate America to make men crazy and women jealous and depressed, like there's this standard of love that can be measured in material gifts given.
Don't tell me how to love. It comes in many forms and shows up in the most unpredictable places. Expecting to focus your love into one "perfect day" is absurd and asinine. Try showering your partner in love, affection and attention the rest of the year, and ignore this corporate concoction created to sell heart-shaped chocolate, flowers and corny cards.
This year, I'll be celebrating my singleness, but that doesn't mean that I'll be spending a loveless holiday in my basement with Bolton and a box of chocolates. No, the love I'll be celebrating will be the love I have for a well-aged scotch, a rare steak and a few good friends.
And if you see a chubby cherub running around with archery equipment, watch your wallet. Cupid stole my cash, don't let it happen to you.
Shawn McKee graduated from the University of Oklahoma with a BA in Journalism and has written for The Broward and Miami New Times. He loves cheese fries, cheap beer and classy women -- he is very romantic.
Labels: fun, holidays, relationships
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 7:50:00 AM - 
celeste said...
Thank you for that,I laughed so hard. I myself don't prescribe to 99.9% of all these "financial" oops "wonderful holidays". They are just a big financial burden and a fat scam. I couldn't have said it better.
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 7:58:00 AM - 
said...
Shawn,
Being single i somehow share the same kind of issues that you mention in your essay on st-v day... and being single, i do like going to a good steakhouse and passing comments with my friends as an evening on the town to celebrate whatever special occassion...
But i dont share the same pessimism as you about st-v day...and yes im a real hetero male too.
Firstly st valentines day was not in fact concocted by corporate america...to quote Wikipedia "...The(Valentine's)day became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished..."..i suggest you google it, it might help you with your belief factbox...
Dont have to get a woman all sorts or gifts...i actually enjoy buying the woman i love a gift...but that's a personal thing..we all have our way to express romantic feelings...maybe once you do get a girlfriend (and i do indeed hope for you a woman of your dreams, as it might wipe away some of that cynicism that i have a hunch is your single-guy loneliness underneath cash-wise, jock-enthusiast rationalizations), just tell her the feelings you have for her...tell her you love her...she still might be pissed off at you 'cause you didnt get her a gift...but if she understands your character and really loves you too, she will definitely really appreciate just about anything you decide to give her for st-v day...whether it's flowers, a box of chocolates, jewelry, sexy lingerie, a soft porn DVD to watch together...or just a few romantic words...or even just an xo (and i aint talking about xo as in xo booze either)...the latter 2 items aint expensive in the least....their free of charge, like the air you breathe and a woman's inspiration that makes you love...
Hey Shawn, dont mean to sound too harsh and condescending...just making a few points, that might help to relieve you of your cynicism...you're writing shows your a bright guy, despite your preference for cheap beer...so, take it easy on this st-v day evening out..enjoy the drink, the heary meal and friends...But dont spend too much money on that rib steak now, Adam ;-)
Cheers
Billy
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 8:29:00 AM - rg said...
This is just so funny. Self - sarcasm blended with introspection can be a perfect way to look and judge certain things. I was feeling so down. It hurts a little to see all those lovey-dovey stuffs around loudly displaying the message of love. But your blog made me feel so much better. May be it isn’t that bad. May be I should not sulk and sigh so much for being all alone. Perhaps it’s better to wait for the right partner than being in one relationship that’s just not worth it.
In a way through your writing perhaps you did convey a message of love and affection. Thanks a lot for making me feel so better and not left out.
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 8:56:00 AM - said...
BILLY:
Your email response to Shawn is dead on! You have him pegged...he needs a girlfriend.
Sincerely,
From A Lady!
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 8:58:00 AM - said...
Hilarious! As a grown woman in a relationship and with many responsibilities, I completely understand the frustration of forgetting/remembering/disappointing and then waking up on the 15th feeling deprived - for a variety of reasons. You've hit the nail on the head here! Love is not to be snickered at, but one specific day out of 365 chosen by who-knows-who on which you should be demonstrative about your feelings towards your significant other is ridiculous! I'd prefer a insignificant Tuesday.
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 9:22:00 AM - said...
Shawn,
Thank you for your article. My best friend of some 30 years & I are planning to celebrate "Valentine's Day Sucks" with some delicious margaritas & some yummy Mexican food. As a person who has been single for many a Valentine's Day, I have learned to celebrate self. While I have yet to find the one man with whom I can spend the next 50 years of my life, I understand the sentiment behind what is a totally female holiday. Named for St. Valentine, a martyr killed for his beliefs-and actually represents several "St. Valentine's." Thus, for me, celebrating a hallmark card holiday created on the basis of a martyr'd saint is a bit over the top. Maybe I'm one of those rare females that doesn't really need the validation in a relationship that is required by our Hallmark card society, but it seems to me that if you are in a relationship, the best way to build "brownie points" (& isn't that what most guys are after) would be to do the dishes, clean the house & cook a wonderful meal (even if it is carryout). It seems to me that would be a de minimus way to show your sweetie you care & you would probably reap the benefits of some serious nookie because she won't be tired from having to do the housework & still look fabulous for you.
Jsut a thought.
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 9:41:00 AM - said...
well, i think you make a good point. i'm a 50 year old married woman (5 years in my 2nd marriage), and i can say i'm a sucker for a mushy card. BUT i totally agree about all the gifts, eating out, flowers, etc. i had to tell my hubby PLEASE not to spend money on those flowers that i'll have to throw out in a few days. i have enough red heart rings and necklaces, etc. and i SURE don't need any candy! just keep lovin' me and treating me right all year round and i'm a happy camper. but each to their own...................
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 10:51:00 AM - said...
This used to be a holiday for single people, so I resent that it is now just another holiday for couples. Isn't New Years Eve, Anniversaries, Weddings, and Christmas enough?
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 11:10:00 AM - said...
Here! Here! V-Day has been highjacked and ruined by corporations. I tell my husband every year not to get me anything because I don't likd being told to love someone on a specific day. Maybe some people need that kind of prompting, but getting overpriced limp flowers and crap that will get just get shoved in the closet is not my idea of love. A better idea to me is tv off, nice bath, wine and a little lovin'
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 12:17:00 PM - said...
That was so funny....and so true. I am now presently in a relationship, but I STILL hate valentine's day. Probably even more now than when I was single. I feel like I'm obligated to run around and buy something for my bf that I didn't buy for him at xmas and that I wont buy for him next month on his birthday. Its pretty annoying, but its good to know that I'm not the only person out there that thinks this day is pretty overrated. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to leave work early today so that I can run to the mall and pick up a last minute, over-priced and 'original' gift for my man.
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 12:17:00 PM - 
dewlaney said...
Hmmm, I am sorry that you feel this harshly about a day that is in our culture to celebrate your love for someone, not a day that tells you to love someone. Valentine's Day can be a day to honor your feelings. We have Labor Day to honor workers and Memorial Day and Veteran's Day to honor those who have passed away or serve in our military -- a day to honor those we love seems like a nice day to have.
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 12:30:00 PM - said...
I hate that people get on their high horse about Valentine's Day and feel like they're being forced to be romantic. It's not as if these guys are being romantic spontaneously throughout the year or even on another day that's not a holiday or birthday. But I think these guys would be glad to have that one day when you can do that stuff and not worry about being in the doghouse the rest of the year!
Sorry for the rant, my boyfriend gets this same one every Feb. 13th lol Happy Valentine's Day everybody!
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 12:46:00 PM - said...
Great sentiment, Shawn!! Not that I don't enjoy a bit of mushy romance, but I don't want it only one day out of the year... I'm greedy, I want it EVERY day! In lieu of the normal candy and flowers, my hubby and I chose a workout bench and weights for V-day this year, couldn't think of anything I wanted more than a buff body...his AND mine! Forget the chocolate...give me another set of reps!
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 12:54:00 PM - said...
I have never been a blogger and never made a comment before today but reading this made me laugh and so here goes... My husbands birthday is on Valentine's Day so it makes it that much more of a chore to get me something.. one time he stopped by the side of the road at the last minute to buy me an obligatory "gift" ... well, needless to say, it backfired... he didn't realize that what he bought was a bunch of hotel soaps mixed in with chocolate (so of course they all tasted like soap), a stuffed animal thrown in and all wrapped in celephane to look "pretty"... after that catastrophe I told him to PLEASE stop trying to buy me anything on that day.. a kiss and hug were all I needed. The person that was on the side of the road selling that crap should have been mugged for all the money they made off innocent, dumb guys just trying to make someone happy... We make each other cards... it's much more personal and from the heart.
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 12:56:00 PM - Sandra R said...
Thanks for your article, I would like to know who in the world invented Valentines day it was probably a neglected wife or a gold digger ha. I am a 35 female that has a steady boyfriend and I would never put my loving boyfriend through the preassure of getting me a gift for a stupid holiday,he is a wonderful man through the whole year why would I need coorporate america telling him to spend his hard working dollars on a man made holiday birthdays is the only time we exchange gift,we are good to each other trough the whole year,so I rather spend V-Day watching a game and having a beer with the man that I love rather than waiting 2-3 hours for a table at a restuarant and looking at the faces of other man that look like if they were force in there by there wife's or girlfriends.
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 12:57:00 PM - Debi said...
Who said a gift has to be expensive? It doesn't, just something thoughtful. It could be one long stem rose, delivered in person with a hand-written note. Or a phone call or email if you don't live in the same city. It's nice to know the people we care about are thinking about us. And you don't have to be "coupled" to enjoy Valentine's Day. I'm single, and if I don't have special plans I enjoy babysitting for my grandchildren so my grown children can have some much-needed time together! It's not just about receiving, it's about giving, too! The plus side is that all the love we give ends up coming back to us! So, don't be shy ~ go out and make someone feel special!
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 1:08:00 PM - ~CHERYL~ ;) said...
V-day is like anyday for me...I am not single,I am in a relationship...but I just feel that V-day is a scam, and I have told my BF not to buy me "anything"!He doesn't think I am serious...BUT I AM!!(he buys more!)
I guess its because in school their were ones that were less popular(I not being one "less" popular,I had my share of friends)...that got nothing....&it is a depressing day for those who are single or less popular....& to celebrate it like it has become this COMMERCIALIZED holiday that it is & know that there are people who are less fortunate who feel sad,bad,lonely....it's just not right!
Last I want to say:
ONE LITTLE ROSE...means the same as a dozen....bring me ONE LITTLE ROSE ...twelve times!!!~CHERYL~ ;)
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 3:33:00 PM - said...
I tell my husband as well to not get me flowers. They dIe. Is that something that i want resresenting my love life? i think not. Bring me a guitar stand, a nice filet mignon, a pair of stilletos. Anything other than flowers. As for cards, I boycott those all year long. There is no way I am paying four dollars for a piece of embossed paper that someone is going to throw away.
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 4:20:00 PM - said...
I am a 26 year old woman and I love love as much as the next person, but why do we all have to wait foe any special day to show someone you care. V-day, birthday, x-mas should not make a difference in the way you show your love. I the relationship really matters, it should be done on a day to day. Why does v-day have to be about lovers? Why can't it be about great friends and family? I love all the important people in my life. I mean, they would not be in my life if they weren't. Don't you think??
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 4:37:00 PM - said...
Shawn,
I'm a 26 year old male who has begun my assention from young man into fat bald man. I will probably spend my valentine's day with a plate of cheese fries on my (ever expanding) paunch and a cheap NAtral Lite beer in my mouth. Your arcticle made me laugh so hard I got beer in my moustache. keep on jammin'
Wilson
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 4:45:00 PM - said...
Shawn,
I'm a 26 year old male who is beggining the assention from young man to fat and balding man. I will spend my V-day with a plate of cheese fries and a cold Natural Lite. Your arcticle made me laugh so hard I got beer in my moustache (thats what I got my old lady for V-day...my moustache). Anyway, keep on jammin' brother and don't let V.D. getcha down.
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 6:51:00 PM - said...
I am married and feel the same way that u do..it is just another way for companies to grab the all mighty dollar..the only people I care about on this day are my 8 grandbabies. And that is because they get so excited by the day and they forget no one...
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 7:18:00 PM - cutechick222 said...
For all the guys sad and depressed over Valentine's Day and not getting any chocolate, three words: MOVE TO JAPAN. In Japan its the girls who give the guys chocolate and its in all sorts of shapes and sizes(I once gave a boy one shaped like a record album). Even if a man has no girlfriend or wife, he is still likely to get chocolate from friends and co-workers because women don't want the guys to be sad. The men know its not a romantic pass as its different from the chocolates a woman would get for her boyfriend. Its called girichoko- obligation chocolate. Even though its not as fancy or grand in size, the men are still happy because they get something. They even have special chocolates for little boys. The most popular one contains a small chocolate bar and a genuine beetle(not live though)in a box.
In case you're wondering, men gift women with white colored sweets, white chocolate or cookies usually, on White Day, which occurs a month later.
By the way, Japanese chocolate is absolutely the most delicious in the world, especially Glico or Lotte.
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 8:53:00 PM - Will0W783 said...
LOL...I am a woman happily in a relationship, and I can admit that V-day is overrated. Honestly, my man scrambling to buy me flowers that will die in a few days or chocolates or whatever, just to prove to me that he cares- not necessary. He shows me that he loves me, and makes me feel it, every day in the little things he does, like fixing my car without my asking, holding my hand when we're out and just making me feel special in general. Why do I need him to spend tons of money and stress himself out over a single day? I don't. Valentine's day is great and all, but if you're in a good relationship, every day is a celebration of love.
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 9:09:00 PM - Nina said...
To whom it may concern,
I would just like to comment that I am in a realtionship and me and my honey don't need a special national holiday with over priced gifts to show each other our love. We show eacht other every day unconditionally. In fact on V-day I am spending the day with my sister and we are going to have a blast painting some pottery, getting massages, giving blood, and getting some chow. There is no need to go over board or get upset on this wanna-be special day. Enjoy and be thankful that your health, friends, and family are good. Respectfully, Nina
Comment: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 9:16:00 PM - said...
Excellent! Valentine's Day is a corporate scam meant to make everyone,single or not, feel like crud. I would rather spend Valentine's Day with my significant other on the couch with some popcorn and a movie. I don't eat chocolate, don't really wear jewelry, and usually hang on to the same perfume for the majority of a decade. I guess I fall into the dark, underground league of the anti-Valentine. Thanks for the article, it really hit home.
Comment: Thursday, February 14, 2008 1:35:00 AM - said...
I don't see what is so bad about giving a gift to the woman you supposedly love, or taking her out to dinner on a day that is meant to be a celebration of love. Give me a break. Many men and women love to have another reason to express their love for their significant other. What's wrong with that?
Comment: Thursday, February 14, 2008 8:59:00 PM - said...
From the looks of you, it's no wonder you have a crappy attitude really, because Valentine's Day brings it to surface. Why can't you just show love for someone, even it's your mother? You, and others like you ruin it for everyone. Clean yourself up and look for a real relationship and put yourself into it. You might get lucky. I am sure you won't let this be printed, but at least I know you read it!!
Comment: Saturday, February 16, 2008 10:16:00 AM - said...
I,too, think Valentine's Day is just an excuse to get more of your money. I am an old fuzz and my husband is no longer with us. I didn't need cards, candy or anything else to know he loved me. I also refuse to pay the ridculous charges for "special day" cards. Loved your article and I hope you find that special someone who loves you for you - not for what you can give her. Your love is enough.
Ellie
Comment: Sunday, February 17, 2008 2:04:00 AM - said...
I remember back to a time when love was young, and it mattered to me if he sent me flowers or took me out to dinnner, and the night would end amorously. It let me know that he loved me and cared about the way I felt. But, now, after being married for 22 years, I have a different idea of what love means. This Valentine's Day, my husband had the flu. There were no presents, no card or flowers. He was sick in bed, and miserable. To be honest, I'm not sure he realized what day it was. I had dinner with my son while Dad slept (diagonally across our bed) and I slept on the couch so as not to disturb him. The next morning I was complaing about how cold my feet were, and he pulled off my socks and rubbed my cold toes until they were warm. I know he loves me. I don't need gifts or any special day for him to prove it-- he shows me in little ways, everyday.
Comment: Tuesday, February 19, 2008 7:48:00 AM - said...
I suppose I separate out the commercialism of Valentine's Day the same way I separate out the commercialism of Christmas, New Years, "Sweethearts Day" (how about THAT as a focus of an article like this. I mean, if you are looking to make a legit point) and others. Valentine's Day is like a birthday--a day to openly acknowledge ANYONE who is important enough to love. The generic, pre-printed, flashy nonsense is the problem--rise above it and enjoy your Valentine.
PS: I still love getting flowers--but he waits until after Vday so the "jacked-up moronically high" prices are back down to "simply ridiculous." And don't worry--I bought him MadMax (one of his favorites) as a token of my love! A great day!
Comment: Sunday, March 30, 2008 2:42:00 PM - said...
My boyfriend and I get each other AT LEAST a card every month on any random day we choose. Valentine's Day, too us also, is about businesses raking in the money. Why should I expect him to buy me flowers that will day, ballons that will end up in the trash, chocolate that will send my blood sugar soaring, or anything like that when that money would be put to better use saving for a house? If he wants to show me he loves me, I'd rather he prepare a nice dinner for me, then I can help clean up afterwards...Why complicate everything? By the way, I'm 23 and have always thought Vday was pointless...
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