The diet and fitness blog is maintained by eDiets.com Senior Copy Editor Dorian Wagner, unless otherwise noted. eDiets.com reserves the right to delete any comments we deem inappropriate.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Body Language for Lovers

Like the post?  Add Your Comments  |   | 

Jennifer Drapkin
eDiets Contributor

Need a therapist? Click here to find one in your area.

We should not hunt our mates, but rather lure them. After all, a mate is prey to be captured alive.

Anthropologist David Givens has provided a practical guide to the body language of seduction in his book,Love Signals. The key for both men and women, he says, is to appear harmless and vulnerable. Be the deer by the watering hole, waiting for the wolf to pounce.

Whatever you do, you don't want to appear guarded. Crossing your arms over your chest and lowering your head are signs of defensiveness that will keep potential mates at a distance. Shirts buttoned all the way to the top and, even worse, turtlenecks keep away the cold, but they also keep away lovers.

The way you dress should be appetizing. Black may be chic, but wearing vibrant, natural colors -- cherry red, forest green, lemon yellow -- will make you seem ripe for the picking.

Once you've attracted a mate, what you say isn't so important. Ninety-nine percent of courting is nonverbal.

Research on opening lines has shown that with the proper body language, "Hello" works most of the time for men and all of the time for women. What's more important is to communicate openness and interest with your whole body. Here are a few ideas:

Build Familiarity:
How to do it: Walk within arm's reach of your target on your way to the bathroom, the kitchen or the bar. Repeat several times.

Why it works: Studies prove that we like things simply because we've seen them before.

Open Up:
How to do it: Use open-palmed gestures as you talk.

Why it works: Because palms-open exposes the tender part of your hand. Palms-up gestures are a universal sign of friendliness and availability. Palms-down gestures say stay away.

Display Your Interest:
How to do it: Lift one shoulder and cock your head to the side.

Why it works: Anthropologists call this the "cute response." For both sexes it says, "I'm interested." It also says, "I'm adorable."

Be Vulnerable:
How to do it: Wear an open shirt, and touch your neck and collarbone.

Why it works: A neck-touch is as appealing to men as it is to women. You are literally pointing out a weak spot.

Follow Your Partner:
How to do it: If he scratches his head, you scratch your head. If he does the funky chicken, you do the funky chicken.

Why it works: Isopraxism, the technical term for moving in unison, is based on a deep-seated instinct to copy the actions of those we find attractive.

Draw Attention to Yourself:
How to do it: When you are near your prey, drop something -- a napkin, a glove or a watch. Bend down and pick it up.

Why it works: We notice moving objects, even when we can see them only out of the corners of our eyes. Also, you are more vulnerable when you bend over.

Our closest animal relative, the Bonobo chimpanzee, practices the object-dropping technique in courtship. After a male Bonobo notices a female, he will pass by her and climb up the closest tree. From a comfortable height, he will drop twigs around her body, almost hitting her. After a while, the female may become sufficiently charmed to climb up the tree and present her hindquarters to her new mate.

Jennifer Drapkin is an intern at Psychology Today.

Looking to lose weight, but don't know where to start? Take the FREE diet profile and see which diet would work best for you!

Labels: , , ,

Read the 6 Comments - Click Here

Comment: Thursday, February 14, 2008 5:23:00 PM - Blogger stephanie said...

I love it! These are things that I have always done when I am single and my friends can't figure out how I can always strike up a conversation with someone I'm attracted to. I could be with a group of women prettier than me, but I'm always the one who can get the guys attention...I practice most of these suggested tips!


Comment: Wednesday, February 20, 2008 7:28:00 AM - Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello

I am wondering if anyone has tips on what I can do when another woman attempts to flirt with my boyfriend.


Comment: Saturday, February 23, 2008 8:41:00 AM - Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Hello,
Yes, I was wondering the same thing. ... especially when a much younger woman flirts with my husband. Any tips?


Comment: Sunday, February 24, 2008 6:59:00 PM - Anonymous Anonymous said...

These seem to be good tips. I just wonder whether i can put them in practice. Sometimes I feel I make men run away from me, dont know why? can anyone give me more tips or suggestions? I even seem to have hard time in finding male friends!! your advice is very welcomed! Thanks.


Comment: Sunday, February 24, 2008 7:02:00 PM - Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi there! I need help...I'm shy and lack of selfconfidence..but really want to change that in order to get men's attention!! I'm tired of being alone!...please provide some orientation! ...Thank u.


Comment: Tuesday, February 26, 2008 1:53:00 PM - Anonymous Anonymous said...

If a younger chick is making the moves on your man, pay attenction and
let her know by your presences that he is taken. If he adding to the problem let him know your feeling's.
Draw the line and stand your ground.








Diet and Fitness Blog is powered by eDiets.com